What is Rapport? The Key to the Conversation
Have you ever been in a situation where you need to interact with someone, but just feel a lack of connection or even feel some unexplainable bias towards them? Luckily there is a simple solution to this matter to find common ground. The answer: building rapport.
What exactly is rapport?
Well, this is when one is able to connect with a person to become almost in sync. It allows for better understanding and connection of the feelings and ideas with whom you are speaking. This all sounds great, but how can we get to this point in the conversation?
Neuroscience has shown that the best way to get into rapport with someone is by “matching” them. This matching process largely includes initially paralleling physical posture, gestures, speed and tone of talking. For example, if they have their legs crossed, you can match by either crossing your legs as well, or even just crossing your feet. From this, you can begin to correspond speaking patterns, volume, and even specific sensory preferences in their speech. If the conversation partner is in a distressed state, then you only match shortly until you are in sync, and then can lead towards a more relaxed state.
Be aware however, when people are not in rapport, an unconscious bias or conflict can subconsciously make them do everything not to match. Be sure to be aware of your own actions and adapt, as to say “walk in the other person’s shoes” for a moment by matching.
Exercise
Here’s a fun exercise for the next time you are in a room with a group of people. Look around and see with whom you are “in rapport” with; then change your body position, for example your arm position. Look and see if the other person intuitively follows the motion you made and assumes your new position.
People like to follow along with those whom they are in rapport with. When the words come easily and they intuitively match your position and behavior, then you know you are working correctly. Whether you achieve rapport naturally or intentionally, it does not matter—the connection still happens and makes both participants feel more comfortable and open with each other.
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